A Valentine’s Day Special

This Thursday, couples around the world will be celebrating Valentine’s Day. For a lot of women, this day is like Christmas or their birthday. For me? Valentine’s Day is cute and romantic, but at the same time, it is just Hallmark/American Greetings day. It’s an artificial excuse to spend money. How can something like love be mass produced on a specific day?

I know February 14th is not an easy day for those guys who are dating, married, or simply are attracted to someone. So I’ve decided to help out by giving them a few simple tips to make your significant other happy on Valentine’s Day (or any other day). Read carefully,

Bring us flowers. Many times I’ve heard men asking the following question, “Why do women like flowers so much?” Yes, we truly love receiving flowers. I agree it’s true that you cannot do much with them: you can not eat them or wear them. However, flowers look and smell pretty. This very is important to us…the same way that we like men who look and smell pretty.

But most importantly, nothing says “Someone cares for me and I’m awesome” better than an expensive gift that will last four days or so. I think this is probably the best reason why we love flowers: it confirms that someone, somewhere, cares for us.

Make us a card. This one is very easy. Instead of spending money on a card written by some overpaid ass who works for Hallmark or American Greetings, get some glue, construction paper, scissors, and markers, and make your own. Cut out a heart from red construction paper, and if you can add a photo of the two of you, even better! We love photos! You may spend a bit more than a card would cost, but you could always steal these ingredients from your niece, nephew, or local second-grader. Actually, pretend like you are in second grade! The rougher the card looks, the better. We love effort, so we really won’t care if the card looks like some blind kid made it. Also, pay attention to what you write on it. Avoid something like:

Jamie,
A poem for you on Valentine’s Day:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
Some poems don’t.

Love,
Your significant other

Or,

Jamie,

These flowers cost me a damn fortune… Geez!

Love,
Your significant other

Or,

Jamie,

Well, today is Valentine’s Day, and I’m sitting here thinking of how much I love you. I know this card is amazingly cheesy…but awesome. Not as awesome as you, Jamie. You’re the awesomest girl everest! I still remember when I first met you. You looked so nice…and awesome. You were there with your friends wearing an awesome dress and I couldn’t help but stare at your awesome smile. And your face…so awesomely tanned, so smooth like a summer sun. And your awesome hair…so beautifully black and shiny like the shoes you were wearing the other night.

[Yep. The word awesome is useful and all, but really? Think before you sound stupid.]

Make us dinner. A lot of you guys think that you have to make some gourmet dish ending with the words “flambé” or “a la mode”. Not necessary. What you need to consider when making us dinner is creating something that we both like and that you know how to make. If she’s a vegetarian (or has a crappy stomach like me) don’t make her a one-pound bacon cheeseburger with meatballs. (This rule could never work for me, because I would end up making my best dish: Jamie’s Awesome Churrasco, which I can’t eat.)

Surprise us. Who doesn’t love surprises? Call her on a Tuesday morning at work and tell her you’re thinking about her. Mail her (normal mail, not email) a short romantic note. Show up at her door with flowers on a weekday.

I mean, who needs holidays anyway? You guys know what Valentine’s Day involves, right? A pricey, romantic dinner at an over-packed restaurant followed by a night out on the town along with thousands of couples doing the same thing. Just take all of these ideas and instead of doing them on February 14th, do them on July 12th, or September 5th, or November 21st.

Have a happy Valentine’s Day!