Ugh, jury duty!

A friend of mine told me last night that she received a notice for jury duty. I understand it is important for any voting US citizen to help prosecute anyone who has committed a serious crime if you’re asked to do so, but I have to be honest… I do not like Jury Duty. Sure it is a day off from work, but onto a long waiting day at a government facility.
So far I haven’t received my notice for this year, but for some odd reason, I get lucky every time. Last year, jury duty was canceled throughout all South Florida… the same day I was assigned to go, due to hurricane Ernesto. By the way, here are some pictures of all the mess and devastation the hurricane left…


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For those who do not know what jury duty is, here’s a brief explanation. First, you get a notice to report to a courthouse on a specific day. Then, you throw the notice somewhere around your house. If you bump into the notice again… repeat the previous step as many times as needed until the day arrives.
So you show up to the courthouse very, very early in the morning and, after passing through some metal detectors, you get to sit in a room with hundreds of jurors like you. Then you wait a long, long time… but at least you’re smart enough to bring a computer, cell phone, crosswords, book, newspaper, Ipod, magazine, along with something to snack on. Then, when jurors are needed, they will start calling out some names. Subsequently, you go to an actual courtroom, where the judge (usually an old, bald man) will explain what the trial is about and what to expect. Then again, randomly names are called, and the process repeats itself until the jury has 14 members. This is what jury duty is all about… boring isn’t it?
So now, how do you get out of jury duty relatively fast?
First off… show that you’re smart, ’cause if you’re dumb, you’re in some biiig trouble. Lawyers are looking for people who are easy to manipulate. If they see that they are much smarter than you, you won’t get out of there! So, make sure to use some unusual words like objicient, longiloquence, hordeaceous or bouleversement (I actually had to consult my dictionary to look for strange words. My vocabulary is not that rich).
Secondly, know some lawyers in the criminal practice of law or some cops. Lawyers are also looking for jurors completely ignorant of the law. By knowing a lawyer or a cop, they’ll think you know a little bit about law. Send them a bottle of liquor now and then.
If none of these work, you last choice is, when the judge ask you, “Have you or anyone close to you ever been accused or committed a serious crime?” If the answer is “yes”, you will go home in no time.

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One response to “Ugh, jury duty!

  1. WOW.. this jury duty article is Right on it!!

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